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Wednesday, August 1, 2012
MOVIE REVIEW
The
Babymakers
Precious Sperm, Copious
Amounts Of Your Wasted Time
Paul Schneider as Tommy and Olivia Munn as Audrey in Jay Chandrasekhar's comedy
"The Babymakers".
Lauren Greenfield/Magnolia Pictures
by
Omar P.L. Moore/PopcornReel.com
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Wednesday, August 1,
2012
Tip: If you have nothing better
to do with your time and must choose between having a root canal and watching
Jay Chandrasekhar's comedy -- and I use that term extremely loosely -- "The
Babymakers", take the root canal. Mr. Chandrasekhar's unfunny, pathetic
and brainless misadventure (he also directed "Super Troopers" and "Broken
Lizard") opens on Friday in the U.S. and Canada. It's safe to say that I
won't see a worse, more pointless film than this one in the entirety of 2012.
And this year has had its fair share of turkeys so far.
The anxiety-ridden Tommy (Paul Schneider) wants to save his marriage to Audrey
(Olivia Munn,
"Magic Mike"). For some silly reason
Audrey, who's been married to Tommy for three (or is it five?) years, decides to
exit their marriage when she finds photos of a naked woman in a garbage can in
their house. Tommy, who has a low sperm count, has been trying with Audrey
for months to have a baby. Success has been hard to come by (no pun
intended). Audrey and Tommy apparently don't work -- not unusual in
California owing to its high unemployment rate (the film is set in Los Angeles),
though there is a shot or two of Tommy in a suit and tie.
Additionally there's back story about Tommy donating sperm several years before,
and when desperation arrives he finds himself part of a group headed by his
nutty juvenile friend (Kevin Heffernan) and a wild-eyed Far East Indian thief
named Ron Jon (played by Mr. Chandrasekhar). They all plan to rob a sperm
bank to get Tommy's motile sperm in order to make Audrey's wish to conceive a
reality.
If you find any or all of the plot of "The Babymakers" as ridiculous and
empty-headed as the description above may suggest, then you needn't read any
further. You can guess what I recommend you use Mr. Chandrasekhar's film
for. "The Babymakers" wallows in the muck as a shallow exercise of pent-up
male insecurity and obsession with penis size, breast size, sperm, gay men and
how many different races the film's characters can stereotype and insult.
The way to solve problems and crises in "The Babymakers" is to resort to the
lowest, most outrageous denominator in lazy humor, when the self-loathing
behavior isn't humor at all. Everything about the "fun" and this film's
idea of fun is sad and painful, sometimes excruciatingly so. When people
have fun in this movie it's fun that comes from a pitiful, empty place.
The "fun" here isn't even as bad as the mess that was "The Three Stooges"
trailer I accidentally bumped into earlier this year -- it's far, far worse.
When crap like "The Babymakers" hits theaters and infects projectors you only
hope that there's enough toilet paper handy to wipe it and any skidmark residue
away, and enough electric fans around to diffuse the almighty stench. Each
character showcases ignorance as a badge of honor, and "Babymakers" writers
Peter Gaulke and -- in the context of this film at least -- the
unfortunately-surnamed Gerry Swallow don't take a moment sell Tommy and Audrey
to us in the guise of being married. Are they pretending to be?
Do married couples talk the way Audrey and Tommy do in movie comedies?
Some complained about the coarse adult banter in the fine 2012 comedy
"Friends
With Kids" yet
Jennifer Westfeldt's film had intelligence,
wit and a keen perspective grounded in reality. "The Babymakers" has a
whole lot of nothing, and its ideas of frolic, detour and comedy qualify as
cutting room floor bits unfit for some of the worst comedies you've ever known.
"The Babymakers" makes the big mistake of thinking it is funny, and the more
foolish one of believing that repeating the same mistakes and mishaps will
somehow draw bigger laughs. Some audiences will find this type of
sloppy-seconds comedy funny but I cringed and loathed this weak-hearted excuse
for a film. And when the DVD that "The Babymakers" was projected from onto
the big screen repeatedly skipped and froze during the film's final 20 minutes I
wasn't frustrated. I was utterly relieved.
Also with: Nat Faxon (a co-screenwriter of "The Descendants"), Wood Harris,
Aisha Tyler, Desi Lydic, Helena Mattsson, Constance Zimmer, Collette Wolfe.
"The Babymakers" is rated
R by the Motion Picture Association Of America for crude and sexual content,
brief graphic nudity, language and some drug use. The
film's running time is one hour and 38 minutes.
COPYRIGHT 2012. POPCORNREEL.COM. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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