Cute Little Aliens, Scary Big Terminators, Plus a Gremlin, With
Herbie, Christine and Kit, To Boot
The Popcorn Reel Movie Review: "Transformers"
By Omar P.L. Moore/July 1, 2007
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Just minutes before a screening of
Michael Bay's "Transformers" was to start, a loud, gargantuan burst of audio
hiss could be heard. It was frightening, and there was no escape. A
sound check for Mr. Bay's film perhaps? Yes and no.
But mostly yes.
"Transformers" is Big. "Transformers" is Loud. No, Louder.
Louder . . . Nah, even louder than that. But moviegoers
familiar with Mr. Bay's work (with the exception of the "Bad Boys" films) know
that all of his films are excruciatingly loud. At times "Transformers", a
spectacularly kinetic and ferocious piece of eye-candy entertainment (opening on
July 3, with sneak night screenings on July 2) tries its darndest to break the
sound barrier, and almost succeeds. Mr. Bay's film is a junky behemoth of
noise, metal and extremely fast edits (Tony Scott, where are you?) Mr.
Bay's film is the kind of brainless entertainment that is so seductive that it
wins you over by beating you on the head until you submit. You can't help
but admire its touches and for all its flaws, it holds your attention in an
astonishing way for almost an hour and a half -- until the next and final hour
is so loud and indistinct that the audience is numbed by the grandiose spectacle
and eventually burned out. (One can only imagine what a viewer's resolve
might be if this withering spectacle was put on IMAX screens and shown in 3-D.)
Based on the Hasbro Action Figure Toys, "Transformers" unfolds somewhat
mysteriously with at least three (or is it four?) disparate story threads -- a
group of American soldiers in Qatar on a mission that suddenly goes wrong; a
secret underground quasi-government group that knows about the history of one of
the film's biggest villains; the U.S. government's volatile and vulnerable
defense system; and a young kid who looks as if he's never had a pimple in his
life let alone any growth of facial hair, who hungers for his first car (and
possibly his first girlfriend. And to think he calls himself LadiesMan217
on the Internet!) By the end of the film, all of these storylines have
merged ever so uncomfortably, and it appears that Mr. Bay and the screenwriters
forced these storylines together by sheer willpower -- and the result is indeed
an uneasy fit.
Jon Voight plays the country's Defense Secretary, and when he is armed with a
machine gun it is hard not to laugh to one's self. Shia LaBeouf -- who
fared so much better as the voice of a surfing penguin in the great film but
weak money-maker "Surf's Up" -- is the young man named Sam Witwicky, whose
grandfather (legend has it) held the key to a huge discovery he made while
exploring in the Arctic Pole region such-and-such and so many years ago, a
discovery passed down through the eyewear that the grandfather gave the
grandson. So apparently Sam is the one hope for saving planet Earth today
from the onslaught of the Decepticons, an evil race of transforming metallic
shapes that make King Kong and the T-1000 look like goldfish. Sam's allies
are the Autobots, a kindler, gentler, giant mass of hulking metal creatures that
transform as well.
And what is a summer movie without the scorching hot young woman who Sam can't
take his eyes off while he tries to save the world entire?
Megan Fox (who looks like a slightly younger Jennifer Connelly or a tad like
Alyssa Milano here) plays Mikaela Banes, the woman with a hidden past, that Sam
has desired forever and a day. Mr. Bay's camera slinks down the contours
of Fox's back as Sam tries describing the issues of his beaten up car that has
broken down and as Mikaela recommends what to do to fix it. The camera
spies languorously down her perfectly toned body like a camera would in a car
commercial. Sleek, aerodynamic, built for comfort and speed . . . and
for your pleasure, boys. Mr. Bay's "Transformers" is style and
overwhelming substance, the kind of substance that consists of almost every past
and present American cliche and montage of corporate iconography that has ever
existed in a feature film. The director overstuffs the film with enough
Chevrolet car logos and GMC decals to make a two-and-a-half-hour television
commercial. (Actually, enough to make a two-hour and twenty-four minute
television commercial.)
There are numerous "jokes" about machines being so advanced that they "must be
Japanese"; consistent jabs at a U.S. air force member whose first language is
Spanish; a scene where Josh Duhamel's Captain Lennox character is frustrated
when he finds that someone from India (can you say, a dig at "outsourcing"?) is
on the other end of his phone line when he is calling in an emergency situation.
There is the obligatory let's-show-the-black-fat-guy-acting-the-buffoon (here
it's Anthony Anderson's turn; he plays a computer hacker.) Heck, there's
even a well-worn cliche about Sam's pet dog Mojo -- a Taco Bell-look-a-like chi-hua-hua
(or chalupa, or whatever you call those dogs.) And just in case you didn't
get or see the resemblance to the television dog the first time you laid eyes on
it five minutes into the film, one of the film's characters actually references
it . . . about an hour and a half later. With this collection of mild
insults (to several characters as well as to the audience's memory) and assorted
jabs, one can be forgiven for thinking that the writers here (Roberto Orci &
Alex Kurtzman) lack imagination. (Okay, at times they do. Amendment:
often they do. But action films aren't often about the writing, are
they now?)
Thank goodness Tyrese Gibson takes his role as a U.S. Air Force Tech Sergeant
seriously, for he seems to be the only actor in the film who really cares.
There are cameos, and there are so many little winks, nods and smiles at other
films: "Christine", "Terminator 2", "Gremlins", "King Kong", "Aliens", "Herbie",
"Starship Troopers" and even at Kit, the talking car from the 1980's television
series "Knight Rider".
The American commander-in-chief is also made fun of -- and this is one of the
few things that is funny. You should see it to understand why -- and it is
a mild satirizing of an event that occurred duirng the current sitting
president's six-plus years in office. There are other laughs in the film
(provided by Kevin Dunn and Julie White as Sam's parents), mostly in small
moments in dialogue or via cheeky musical or visual cues, but otherwise there
isn't much else to engage the laughter palette. Mitchell Amundsen's
cinematographer is an attention-getter, with some oversaturated colors fitting
the dynamic tone of this electrifying adrenalin-pumper. (One other note:
Darius McCrary of television's "Family Matters", is the voice of Jazz, an
Autobot, and Hugo Weaving -- he of "The Matrix" and "V For Vendetta" -- has the
voice of the evil Megatron.)
The action doesn't lack ambition however, and for this reason "Transformers" is
the go-to film of the summer. Its epic scale is thunderous, its tone
belligerent and its manner bellicose. Proudly and unabashedly American in
its spirit and its decibel range, Michael Bay's film triumphs with its visual
effects and production design but suffers a notable defect: when the climactic
fight sequences occur one cannot distinguish the Autobots from the Decepticons
-- a crucial flaw in both the editing and the design of the transformers models
for the sake of the film. Nonetheless, there are hair-raising action
sequences, and they are sometimes visceral and cringe-inducing.
Ultimately, no one goes to see "Transformers" expecting to care much whether Sam
saves Earth from itself. The film delivers its biggest punch line -- which
is its aggressive, kinetic and hyper-visceral action sequences. Nothing
else matters.
To see Mr. Bay's film, which otherwise is a sprawling, structural mess -- but to
be immersed in the experience of it -- the experience of viewing it, is
not a mess -- is to be absorbed by the attraction and the seduction of the
eye-candy that splashes and writhes about on that big screen. You know
that a film with this much money on display is inherently bad for you, but you
have been seduced by its production, and its thunder, and its saber-rattling.
And you love it. Every second of it. (With more than a few numerous
exceptions.)
To watch "Transformers" is to be strapped into the front car of a roller coaster
ride that never slows down and keeps rising, climbing, until the sky can barely
hold it any longer. Consider "Transformers" an act of aggression.
And bring ear plugs. You've been warned. Good luck, and enjoy.
"Transformers" is rated PG-13 by the Motion Picture Association of America
for intense sequences of sci-fi violence, brief sexual humor and language.
The film's duration is two hours and 24 minutes. "Transformers" opens on
July 3, with sneak screenings on July 2 across North America. It contains
some creative subtitles in "transformer" speak. Steven Spielberg, who is
currently directing Shia LaBeouf in the forthcoming "Indiana Jones 4", is one of
the executive producers of Mr. Bay's film.
Copyright The Popcorn Reel. PopcornReel.com. 2007. All Rights
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